I wish he had a name.

After writing a blog last night that ends with, “I just want to remember them,” I am writing this morning because I just want to remember him. I dreamt about a guy last night and no, it wasn't a lustful dream.

He was tall and blond and built like a football player. In fact he slightly resembled Brandon Gottfried, the football player from my graduating class that went to Stanford in Cali. (Which is really weird because someone resembling Brandon is not a person I would pick out for myself.  At all. Ever.) The only down side to this boy in my dream last night was that like Brandon I fear he and I didn’t have to much in common though we had made plans to go swimming together. (We were going swimming instead of jogging for a work out. He was helping me to train so that I could be in shape.) He and I were somewhere and I kissed him. He kissed back but he didn’t seem too eager about the kiss so I stopped after trying to get him to want to be involved in the kiss. Afterwards when he and I were alone, he told said some things to me and I can’t remember exactly what he said, but I remember what he meant. He thought I was going too fast and that we should go slow, respecting each other and focusing on the one another without the distraction of all that is physical. There was something else in his reaction that communicated that HE wanted to be the one to lead and initiate what we did or didn’t do which honestly really shocked me. I have no problem with it at all, I mean there would be more than just him in the relationship so he wouldn’t have all the control, but he wanted to be the leader and he wanted me to let him lead. I’ve never met anyone like that before, someone who wanted to lead but who was interested in protecting himself as well as me, who wasn’t trying to lead just to take advantage of me.

I think I’m in love with this boy.

Towards the end of the dream I was trying to find him to ask him if he was a Christian or not. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t let him lead me if he wasn’t a Christian because he would lead me somewhere I didn’t want to go.