Happy Eve

Tonight is the eve of freshman orientation, the night before all the new kids move in and take over the school, feeling as though they own it. A year ago tonight I was driving up to Oglethorpe in Constantine, my old car, after a stressful day and leaving Caitlin behind at troy after a lovely but sad visit. Mom and I stopped at a hotel on the Alabama side of the AL/GA state lines because I saw double everything thing which I guessed meant I was falling asleep. The nerves in my stomach that night were almost overcome with fatigue, but not quite. I had been counting down the days of summer, the days till I would move to college and, most worrisome, see Forester. Although we were only at the hotel for a few hours, I didn’t sleep for much of the time my head was resting on a pillow. That night my worries consisted of whether or not I would be accepted on campus, how well I would succeed in “hard college classes,” what Forester would think of me in person, and whether or not Lindsey and I would get along as roommates. Comparing those fears to the worries I have tonight, I can’t help but to find the gulf in difference between them quite comical. (I could have easily have done without the last two worries that, were at the time, the most prominent in my mind.) I am still concerned about getting along with the people I live with, but I’m not sick in the stomach over it because it will be okay regardless of what happens. I have so many bros and good friends that I’m not concerned over what guys think of me or whether or not I will be accepted. (Granted, I’ve already been accepted for being my crazy self.) Although I am still a tad nervous about the difficulty of my classes and what challenges they will bring, especially my stats class, I know what tools and resources are available to me if I struggle and I also know I can handle college level courses. Now it is the future and the amount of responsibility I have that concerns me. If only everything could be done perfectly and I knew I wouldn’t make the wrong decision or do the wrong thing… Growing up and everything grouped with that term is frightening. What is the balance between being childish and maturing? Where is the line between chilling with my friends and trying to be amiable with a professor? Is it hypocritical to change one’s behaviors like a chameleon based on the audience watching?

Although I think I know some of the answers I am wise enough to realize I know less than I actually think I do. Thus, I am going to go to sleep instead of elaborating answers for you.