My stomach has been in knots all day. Although I am hoping the knots are the physical embodiment of my excitement to move back to, and all that is, Oglethorpe. However I have an inkling that the nervous stomach is resulting from anxiousness and fear and worry—all things God says we are better without. If only I could trust Him more, life wouldn’t necessarily be smooth or easy but it would be better. It would be without worry. After a few months of struggling to back into the Gulf Shores grove I am finally accustomed to living her and have developed a routine of sorts. Apparently the love for all things spontaneous and the love for change do not go hand in hand because change scares me. I like what I am used to for the most part and am worried about what life will be like once I move. I’m nervous about the changes that will happen, that have already started to happen. To be honest with you I lost myself last year for a little while and got to a place that I really didn’t like. To be having tons of fun and to be as far away from God as you can remember ever being isn’t really all that much fun. The struggle on my part to make things work with Him after months of ignoring Him was difficult—I had to give up some things and really re-examine my life. (It would have been easier if I wasn’t so hard-headed.) My relationship with Him is better now though I am afraid of losing myself again and drifting away from Him again. I’m only really happy when I’m spending time with God relatively often. I like being happy and I’m worried I’ll be too busy to make the time. Hmm, I guess I will just have to make the time and everything will just be okay. Instead of worrying, I’m going to try to trust God with my life—what a challenge—and do/change the things I can while learning to accept what I cannot change.
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