Day 120.

I do not understand the world. That, however, is besides the point of the slightly random rant to follow. Please note that tonight is the first time in almost a week that I am posting from an actual computer and not my cellular device. Anyways...  Today has just been one of those days, you know? One of those days when the things that are supposed to go right turn left instead and the things you expect to go wrong don't. I've always wondered what people say about me behind my back, what character flaws others can see in me so easily though I myself am blind to them. My mother decided to tell me show me some character flaws that I may or may not have this morning during one of our rare fights. (we hardly ever fight, but when we do...Oh boi.) When the not nice things were being said about me my first reaction was to start a defense and completely reject her opinion as that of someone who contains the same flaws she was pointing out in me. It is a difficult thing, I have found, to let down my pride in order to receive proper criticism from someone else, to recognize my errors as errors, and, consequently attempt to change. It took me a while after being in a huff about my mother's and my conversation to realize all my mother was telling me was the character flaws I wish my friends had the courage to tell me instead of talking about them behind my back. (Granted I'm not sure my friends talk about me behind my back and I'm sure not all do, but I have heard some of my friends talk badly about mutual friends behind their backs and I am not naive enough to assume they wouldn't do the same thing to me.) Gah, I really hate being humbled and having to admit, which I was able to after calming down and talking to a neutral person who would have sided with me, that my mother may have been on to something about my behavior and that I really should work to change it. Ah, if only perfection was possible....I guess I could always be a sea shell. They are beautifully imperfect though occasionally if no one breaks it you can find a perfect one. That was a an unfortunate left turn. I have been slightly concerned about how money was going to come together for school this year because a couple donors to the 'education fund de krista' had bailed, thus creating a left turn circle. Well today I went to go pick up a small donation from a large donor who had decided to go a different route then originally expressed only to find out the donor had a change of heart and went back to what had originally been planned. I am not complaining one bit, but when a supposed left becomes a quick right, it can throw you tires and/or day for a little loop. It was nice though and now I can be only barely concerned instead of slightly concerned because I'm Krista, I can't simply not worry. Although my turns have been screwy all day long I do believe I came to a dead end this evening. We, as in my family and some family friends, went to the beach this evening to see the annual fireworks show that the city hosts. It was nice and stuff but I couldn't help but want to share it with someone. Yes, I was with family but my parents are not my sisters. You see, doesn't it just seem proper to hold someones hand while gazing up at a sky and watching fireworks? So i guess the fireworks were a lovely show, but a lonely dead end none the less. Longing has to be an okay thing if its healthy and doesn't lead one to become a creepy stalker. What is it about looking up at the monstrous night sky that makes a human long for a connection with another human? Do other mammals or animals feel the same? Hmm, isn't technology supposed to make us feel more connected with one another? Texting is an evil addicting practice that should have an etiquette handbook like phone calls have though I believe the rules of phone call etiquette is passed via word of mouth. One for texting and initiating conversations should exist, or maybe I should just learn it and/or turn my phone off. Rant!