Day 80.

Well apparently yesterday was supposed to be 79 and I should change it, but sometimes I like looking at my mistakes. So life is most definitely interesting. I'm not quite sure why i do this to myself. By this, I mean discuss things with people. Okay, well not all things to all people though I'm starting to realize that I should keep my mouth shut more often than I already do--It is so hard. Yesterday I realized that I feel suffocated in Alabama, that i can't discuss my thoughts, ideas, and feelings because so many of the things I want to talk about are not usually appropriate conversation topics. If on the rare occasion there is someone who can stomach a conversation on any one of the various ideas I'm thinking of, their opinion is so radical that it is impossible to have an intelligent conversation with them. Not that radicals are not intelligent, they just make intelligent discussion difficult to the point of making it impossible. Anywho, today I decided to share this Krista fact with my mother who doesn't understand and who turned around and discussed it with another women who just doesn't understand. They both feel like this is a "stage" that I will grow out of and that my opinions will become less radical and I'll have people to talk to when that happens. They also think that I will eventually not care about these things and that then I won't feel suffocated either. Alabama must have gotten to them to because no amount of explaining would open their eyes. Alabama is strangling me. It isn't that my opinions and view points are radical, unless I'm radically moderate? I'm a middle ground person, I can see the validity in both sides of most arguments. i don't think that will change...I have a feeling the older I get the more my beliefs will move themselves directly into the middle of the street where they get hit by every car. Sounds like fun, right? I understand and appreciate that humans are not often passionate about the same things for their entire lives like these two women were trying to communicate to me. What I was unable to get them to understand is that while I am passionate about some of the "unacceptable" topics of conversation, a lot of them are just things I am interested in because I find them.... interesting. What a shocker. Just like pokemon and DBZ and Sailor moon were interesting to me when I was a child and are still interesting to me now, so I think the things that grab my interest will mostly always grab my attention and intrigue. I feel insulted when someone tells me that this big issue you care about now, will no longer be important to you in the future. To say, hey you radical, you will eventually calm down from this subject matter, is one thing. To say, hey you who care about things, in ten years you won't care enough to give it a second thought, is another. (I suppose that happens with things like being really concerned about how ones hair looks like on a given day, but bigger things.) Watch me come back and read this in twenty years and realize that I no longer care about human rights or the U.S. deficit enough to give them a second glance and that I in fact actually avoid all discussions and thoughts of them. Future self, be ashamed and upset with yourself for letting thoughts go and, if for nothing else, making those women right! How's that for typical teenage angst? I think that if I ever do become a counselor, human rights will be extremely important to me. I mean, wouldn't it be hard to care for people if I was unconcerened about gender, racial, sexual orientation, refugee, political, social, and economical rights? Ha, most of the time I say human rights because the racial, sexual orientation, and sometimes economical rights make others uncomfortable. I don't like being that one kid who brings up what we just simply don't talk about because it isn't polite, but doesn't someone have to make the world feel uncomfortable when they become to content with what is, especially when what is is so wrong? My pastors have told me, well our congregations, my whole life that when Christians become to content with their lives as is, something falls amiss and bad things creep back into their lives. I think that is true, I know that saying it has happened to me doesn't make it an absolute fact, but it has happened to me. I also think it is true of a world that is struggling to live what is right-- something I wishfully think the United States tries to do. Though, it seems like there is too much contentedness on some topics, which demands that someone rustles feathers. I never wanted to be the aggravate, but I will be if I have to be.