Day 106.

Warning: this blog discusses a controversial topic and Krista really doesn’t know what she is talking about. Please read with several grains of salt.

Today is Monday, and like the week before I had to call into the Tin Top to see if whether or not I was working. They so often post schedules the day before it becomes active and sometimes the day of which can make it very frustrating. After I called and was informed that I was scheduled to work at 5pm, I started kinda chilling at my day job. If I can swing it, which so far hasn’t been a problem, I like to have an hour or two of chill time in between jobs for my own sanity. Mom was gone from the office and I had decided work time was over for me so I started to peruse  Facebook, blogger, and the sights I usually go to when I log onto the internet for a little while. In my Facebook newsfeed are numerous news articles from various news outlets because that is how I choose to keep up with the news. Off the top of my head I think I have the Seattle Times, New York Times, Huffington Post, CBS, and Al Jezeera all sending news articles to my newsfeed. So when I scroll through my news feed I can read an article’s title and the first few sentences of it to see if it is something I actually want to read or not. Well an article from one of the times caught my eye this afternoon because honestly I didn’t understand the title at first—it had been a long day at work. The article was titled, “My Ex-Gay Friend,” which I immediately clicked on to read further because I at first interpreted the title to mean ‘my ex-friend who is gay.’ I thought that was odd so I wanted to read about this really sucky friend who decided their friend wasn’t good enough to be there friend just because he was gay. Honestly, that thinking bothers me a little bit. As I read the article it became clear to me what the title actually said and that the whole thing was about this man’s friend who was once gay, worked for national magazines for young gay men and even started his own, and then decided he was no longer gay and found God, becoming one of the Christian fundamentalist he used to hate so much. I didn’t get to finish the article so I’m not sure in what direction the author, a gay man who had known the subject since they were both in their early twenties, took the article. Maybe reading the rest of the article would help my thoughts settle because I’m not sure how I feel about the article, well not really the article but the words the ex-gay was saying. I’m not so sure if I understand him (how could I? I’m not an ex-gay man.) I guess I’m not quite understanding his words then. From what I read his “Christian” rhetoric didn’t seen faulty, but something about it didn’t sit right in my stomach. I’m not sure if it was because he was so condemning and unforgiving of something he used to be. Then again, it could be that maybe I don’t want to accept what my religion, depending on who you talk to, says because I would rather accept something different. Hmm, I refuse to assume I know everything about the truth, the way things are, or the way things should be. Imma love, well try to anyways, everyone I know regardless of who or what they are. Actually, I think I do know what is gritting inside of me right now. The author of the article quoted the ex-gay man of saying that the gay community’s mantra, “the only truth is Love,” is horribly false. Firstly, I have no idea if that is a major mantra. Secondly, as a straight female I think the only truth is love and think it is peculiar for a Christian to think differently. Maybe the difference is that I think love is different than what I think most others think it is. So to me, God is love, and/or all that is love makes up a part of who/what God is though not all that he is. Does that make sense? All that is love makes up a portion of what God is? Yes, that is what I mean. Sorry, I don’t mean to be repetitive—I just had to write it a few times to say correctly. My logic, says that God=truth, God=love, so there isn’t a big problem with truth=love. Maybe my logic is faulty, but I don’t know, I think that man needs to think a little and not be so zealous. Ha, but who am I to judge? I think I should read the rest of the article, but I’m not sure if even then I’ll be kosher with the man, or his ideas, or what he claims are Christian ideals. As I was driving home from the office I contemplated the article and just wished I understood more about God and the bible to be able to discern better what is right and what is wrong. I used to think I knew what was right and what was wrong, but thankfully, I have since learned to be a little (lot) less presumptuous. I mean, who am I to understand everything, how divinity thinks and/or works, what is truly right and truly wrong?  I think good guesses can be made, but isn’t that all they are, guesses?