I have so many inappropriate thoughts that I want to talk about tonight, but I try to keep this area free of bad things, of complaints, of the complicated thoughts that could so easily be misunderstood and wrongly perceived. I will write of my mad thoughts elsewhere I suppose. That being said, I’m not quite sure what to say… Lacey took my shift tomorrow night so that I can be in Panama City Beach with my dad for Father’s Day. I hope me being there will be enough because I don’t have anything planned for him and I don’t know what to get him. On my birthday, I don’t mind not getting anything (though what self-centered teenage girls doesn’t love receiving gifts) as long as I have the attention and presence of people I love. Maybe I should try to pick him up something anyways. If he hadn’t stopped smoking I would get him a cigar, I like them almost as much as he does, but because he stopped smoking them for health reasons I am most certainly not going to make that purchase for him. I love my dad so much. I know I wrote about father’s day a blog or two ago, but I guess it is just on my mind. I feel so grateful towards him, I can’t imagine my life without him, and all that he does for me, most importantly, for being there for me. I have never been one of those girls in most every classification of those. ( excepting the those girls that refers to the weird Christian girls that don’t date because like I said, they are weird. I’ll claim my weirdness and say that I have partially gotten over it…or maybe not.) As I was saying, I was never one of those girls that was all about being a daddy’s girl or any body’s girl, really. It wasn’t until my grandfather died that I realized I was thought of as his princess and my grandmother’s angel. I mean, they used to call me those nicknames, but I never really thought about it or let it become ingrained in my identity like those girls that wear articles of clothing all decked out in “I’m [insert relative/significant other]’s girl.” I guess I used things to define myself other than my familial relationships. That being said, my dad will always be my daddy. Even though I am often woken up before I want to, I will always smile when he texts me, ‘good morning, have a great day, I love you.’ I will always good heartedly laugh at my pathetic life when I go a long while and the only person I text is my dad. I can’t really imagine a time in my life when I won’t need him. Pfft, that being said from the girl who has a hard time admitting she needs anybody or anything. What are you talking about, I don’t need anything other than myself….. Ha, even I know that isn’t true. Speaking of needing things, I realized at work tonight that I really desire that people, at work and, I suppose, in life in general, appreciate that I work hard and judge me for that instead of judging me for the work I do. Like being a busser, why should someone look down on me for bussing tables if I am working hard and doing a good job? They shouldn’t. I am starting to think that there is nothing wrong with most jobs as long as those who are doing them, do them well and to the best of their ability. But then again, if that person’s best straight up sucks, theu will most likely be fired… maybe there is a whole in my logic. Speaking of bussing tables, my brother thinks there is something fundamentally wrong with me because I don’t want to quit bussing for a “nicer” job in order to learn a life lesson and/or get over being so darn prideful. He said my purpose is to make money and that if I want a life experience, I can pet a rabid animal of some sorts. I think he is wrong, not about my purpose, but about other things. While I agree with him that I may have things wrong with me, I do not think this is one of them. I instead think this is a good thing. I also think he is wrong in the idea that work is work and we should accomplish our work agendas without factoring in and considering the life experience we gain into our work equations. If we work blindly with the thought that we don’t need to gain life experience in our menial jobs because we can find it elsewhere, we could end up missing out on many great learning opportunities that life may not offer to us again. We could be so busy working that we could forget to experience life and to learn everything it has to teach/show us. And I of course want to know everything so it makes sense that I wouldn’t give up on this opportunity to learn. That being said, I’m still not sure if I am going to apply for the nicer job at the other restaurant yet.
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