Day 56.

I don't remember the last time I wrote a blog at night. These past nights have been filled to the brim with writing, but those writing topics are very different from a silly blog. Today was rather charming and surprisingly normal. Normal in the sense that it was a day that didn't completely revolve around my studies or my life at Oglethorpe--it was normal in that it reminded me I have a life outside all that is the Ogle-bubble. I guess I'm saying my life is strange here. It is. It is strangely wonderful and I wish there were more hours in the day for me to enjoy all that creates my life here. I spent the majority of today packing my Oglelife into boxes and loading them up into my parents' car. I'm not leaving till next Saturday, but my car will only hold so much and this weekend was the best time for my parents to pick up my stuff for me. I have so much stuff that really isn't all that important, I just like having it around. My room is now practically empty minus some random tidbits to get me through a week. My room doesn't really seem like my room to me anymore. Oh well, I am relatively used to moving so this shouldn't be any different. I'm really excited that I should be getting a lot of hours at work this summer. I'll be interning with my mom at her insurance business, running the web-media side of everything and possible managing the whole thing while she is out of town. It will be an interesting experience; however, it seems incredibly mundane and unimportant after studying all that I have, all the human rights violations, hearing of all these things that need to be done in the world that no one has stepped up to do. Hopefully there will be an importance to my summer that I cannot at this point in time see. I'm sure there is :)

Day 55.

The wonderful thing about not having class is I can get up whenever I want, and because I can get up whenever I choose to, I can also go to bed as late as I want. The only problem with this method is that it is now 11am and I havent got anything done. I only have tw things left to do, but they are kinda big and the sooner I get them done the better. I have a 12page paper due Tuesday by 6pm and an oral Spanish exam on Monday. I'm more worried about the paper. I know everything that I am arguing for the paper and have an outline written out and everything, but I don't have a lot of the research done. That and the topic isn't the most pleasent to talk about...it is actually very saddening...it is about genocide. That being said, there is a mass exodus occuring at Oglethorpe and I'm afraid I'll miss all my oglies. I can't imagine this place as being different, but I know it won't ever be the same. New students will come in, old ones will leave. I'll be living in a different building with different people. I'll have my own room which will be a nice and pleasent change. (It was hard going from living in a house by myself to having only one bedroom that I shared with someone else. Though, I think I managed to share pretty well.) My suitemates will be living together in a different building than me....I'll miss them. I'll miss hearing Devon cackling at 8am on a Saturday. It's true. I'm never in the room anyways and I've spent less time with them this semester than ever, but I really will miss them. I liked living with them. I can only hope that I get along with my new suitmates as well as I felt we did. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be visiting them regualry....both Thomas and Chelsea will be living with them. It will certainly be interesting to see how things work out this summer with work, Girls State, Thomas, and visting all the places I want to. I'm so excited for Girls State and work and vacation, but not so much excited for being so far away from Thomas. What can I say? I've gotten use to the kid.

Day 54.

Writing here every day is a bit more difficult when my computer doesn't work.
I woke up this morning with my mom asking me if I had seen the news. I don't watch the new s while I am at school and I told her as much though I'm sure I have told her a many times before. She used to watch the news everyday first thing in the morning while she got ready...so the television would be on for an hour or two at least. I guess that is how she found out about it first thing this morning. Apparently there 128 people died last night from tornadoes and over a hundred more have been injured. While neighborhoods have been flattened and all the trees in Caitlin's brother's neighborhood are flattened. When my mom told me that this morning, my thoughts went first to Caitlin who lives in troy and then Andrew and Cece who live in Tuscaloosa. Then I thought about all the people I know who live in Tuscaloosa and northern Alabama. I really hope everyone is okay. Funny thing is that I fell asleep hoping people in Georgia wouldn't be hit very hard for the storm...I thought it has left Alabama. Last I heard right before I fell asleep was that it was going to pass right over the NE part of Georgia, where Thomas' family lives. People die every day. I'm sure more than 128 people die every single day in this dangerous world of ours. (well, people say it is dangerous, though I don't feel like I live in a dangerous world.) Even though death is not an unusual occurrence, natural disasters that kill people still shock me. The closer to home they are, the more shocking they are too. I guess it is because I can better relate to the suffering when it is closer. I remember cleaning up homes that hadn't been washed away by Ivan, but had been completely washed out. Going through my friend's house with them trying to salvage dishes and pictures, watching them see everything that everything they owned was completely ruined with filthy muck and water. I understand how it feel to those families who are now looking at their flattened homes wondering how they are going to rebuild, wondering how they are going to afford it and what will they do with their families in the mean time. I wish I could do more for them than praying for them and hoping that construction prices don't inflate and that they all have places they go and stay and ways to provide for their family. Apparently, Obama said their was a state of emergency in AL if I read the news report correctly. Hopefully that declaration will be helpful though I can't think off the top of my head how helpful it will be. Morbid as it may be, I can't help but wonder what those 128 people were thinking before they died and while they were dying. I wonder if they knew what was happening. I wonder if they were thinking about something the regretted doing or something they regretted not doing. I wonder if anyone of them had had a horrible fight with someone they loved right before dying or if others had simply relished in their love for one another before they died. I wonder who was alone and who was not, who was frightened and who calmly thought the storm would pass violently overhead without touching them. I wonder which of the 128 were loved and which were hated, and even worse, which ones nobody in the world cared about enough to even think about. One never know what is going to happen any second of their life, no matter how carefully it is planned. You just never know. I was lying in bed this morning thinking about that and the people who died and, although  it is sad that I should think of something so silly, how I cannot manage to post faithfully here everyday. My blog causing me to think of how it forces me to number my days which is something I need to be reminded of. I need to be reminded that my time here is limited, that I only have so many days, and that I don't know when my time will suddenly be up. I really don't want to die being angry at anyone or having them be upset with me.

Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. - Ephesians 4:26

Day 52.

Islam

Chritianity

Judaism

Capitalism

Materialsim

Athiesm

Truth

Money

Power

Justice

Food

Asthetics

Knowledge

Science

Technology

Spirituality

Significant Other

Rebellion

Nazism

Race

Ethnicity

Alcohol

Drugs

Caffiene

Children

Spouse

Peace

Everyone worships something. Eyerone chooses a god of some sort. Amidts this busy life I have it is often difficult to keep my life and actions in prospective with everything. There in lies the challenge within finals week--keeping our actions and the things we choose to spend time with in prospective of our lives, the world, and everything after.

Day 50.

Separate but equal is impossible in all things? I am writing two papers that deal with the subject of slavery and have been consumed with thoughts of the "other" creation that is necessary for slavery and the consequences of such othering. I haven't thought in depth on this one thought, though it may be helpful to do so for my Rhetoric paper in which I am arguing a genocide of African Americans did in fact occur in the southern United States. It is a very interesting argument since the man who created the word genocide denies what I will be arguing for. But that isn't the point. I was thinking the other day about the theory that humans have to categorize everything into one of two boxes, order and chaos, which is kinda like good and bad. Anyways, my though process is that if a group of humans name another group as different from them, creating an other, they have to place either themselves or the other group in the ordered and good box which leaves the left over group to be placed in the chaos and bad group. So I'm thinking if every time a distinction is made between anything, if it has to be but in one of the two boxes in our minds, than nothing that is different can be accepted in human psyche as being equal. Surely this can't be true though... I don't want it to be... I mean though this idea has been proven through the unequal segregated school systems in the U.S. It is also proved through the many genocides that display when one group is identified as different and othered that dehumanization occurs. But I also recognise that no one human is the same as another, that everyone is different, and I like that. It makes life interesting. I don't have a conclusion....

Day 49.

Today is the Sabbath, well at least today is the day I choose to celebrate the Sabbath. It is a day full of get-to's and absent of have-to's minus the paper I am going to be writing today....  Ya, so it won't be a completely sabbathy Sabbath, but it is better than none. This morning was really nice though. I got to do a few things that I normally can't afford to like waking up just whenever I woke up and taking my sweet time in the shower instead of rushing. I also got to eat a hot breakfast this morning which may not seem like a big deal, but it is beacuse I am often not generous enough with myself to alot time for such a time consuming luxury when I can quickley eat something cold in my room. I also got to walk slowly staring at marvelous colors of the trees and just enjoying the sun streaming through the leaves above me while listening to the leaves ruslte against one another in the slight breeze. Moments like that I just can't hold in the thank you that the experiance inspires. It stopped me dead in my tracks today. Only the knowledge that people could see me prevented me from raising my hands and dancing. Silly, I know, but still... I like days like today. Days like today remind me how much I enjoy and treasure generosity. Their is little I admire and am attracted to more in friends than a generous heart. Those who have them inspire me and are just so lovely and refereshing to be around. I also have to admit that I really enjoy when I am generous with myself, with my time and habits, and allow myself to do things I like just for the sake of doing those things and not because they will help me be productive or accomplish what I want to accomplish.  

Day 48.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Is a very interesting movie.
It makes me want a nickname like gnosis.
Tonight I'm having dinner with my sisters and I am very excited.
I'm having a hard time thinking of cool things to say with Chelsea reading as I type.
She told me to say, "Chelsea is beautiful."
So, even though I think it anyways and she is threatening me with baby cries.....
Chelsea is beautiful.

Day 47.

I learned a very valuable lesson today. When you're running low on sleep, felt dizzy in class, are running about all day, and have consumed only a small amount of food you will probably feel better if you get something else to eat. So after only having water for breakfast,an English muffin with peanut butter for lunch, and a string cheese for a snack only because I became dizzy while sitting down in class I went to Chikfil-A with Thomas. Good stuff. That now brings us to eggnog. I have never made eggnog but will be making a Chilean version of the interesting drink tonight as a part of my Spanish project with the hopes that bringing a drink will make up for my lack of Spanish speaking abilities. Hmm, well I just remembered I have to go buy cups to pass out the drink in class. Now to the store for the third time in two days.

Day 46.

Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BESTEST CAITLIN NICOLE JENDER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you and I hope my phone calls didn't not annoy you.

Secondly, in my own defense I must say that I did write a blog yesterday, but for some reason it didn't post, saved as a draft instead, and now looks like it was written today. It wasn't.

Third, there is quite a bit going on inside my head this morning:

The diferante.

Not good.

Fool.

Summer jobs.

Summer vacations.

Paris.

Atlanta.

San Juans.

Decatur.

Spenser.

Michael.

Really not good.

Do better.

Best paper in the class.

Worst paper.

Three papers waiting to be created.

8 minutes-all in Spanish.

5 minutes-all in Spanish.

I can't will speak Spanish.

I'm about to name my computer something horrid because it won't work.

Founders Day!

KKG!

Post-nasal drip.

Packing.

Singing,

Quartets.

Don't screw up your scholarship.

Don't screw up life.

So that's what I am thinking about (in no particular order) this morning. Honestly, a lot of those things are things I am worrying about. I must tell you though that I am not really worried. All things happen for a reason and he knows the plans he has for me. Thus, there is nothing good in worrying:) Every little thing is going to be alright. I promise.

Day 45.

So on the upside I got an A on the last paper I turned in. ....wow, I use "on the upside" to often in my head amd it is always only in attempt to forget about the downside that is currently nagging my mind. Although I normally don't acknowledge the downside, I'll share with you. (Ya, that's right, feel special.) So on the downside, I can't seem to get my computer to work. This is happening quite frequently lately and it must be something I am doing wrong although I have no idea what it is. Sigh, I suppose that will only force me to write my papers in the library and Goodman where it is likely I'll be distracted by lovely people. Oh, and did you know finals are kinda a bit much? I am starting to figure that one out. I have a bunch of papers and presentations due back to back it seems, and I am just not on top of it at all. I have a rhetoric presentation this thursday, a presentation completely in spanish on friday, a paper due wendsdae

Day 44.

Proof of how wonderful I am at committing myself to things is how I accident skipped two days this weekend.

"Your love is too thick," he said...

"Too thick?" she said..."Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all." 

-a line from Beloved by Toni Morrison 

I whole heartily agree. The book Beloved is a book that I have not read in its entirety, but understanding of it so far is that it is about a slave woman who kills one of her children to prevent it from having to experience the horrible life she experienced. She only did this after she had managed to escape with all her children to safety and was found by the "Schoolteacher" she had run from. When she saw his hat approaching her family, she hid her kids, and killed one of them. I'm not sure if she meant to kill all of them though.... Like I said I haven't read the whole book. I agree with the women, Sethe, who is speaking above and I feel like I understand her to some extent. I can barely manage to fathom what she went through, but I can grasp loving something so much you would do anything to protect it even if that meant taking its life. Thankfully, I have never been in such a position and I doubt I ever will be, again, thankfully. I have to admit this little line makes me feel a little better about my creepy self and my love for my friends. I just called a friend to creepily and randomly tell her I love her because it is true and I felt compelled to do so. While some may say my love is too thick, I can respond with a thoughtful line of acclaimed literary work to contradict their statement. 

Day 42.

Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICHARD EASTON McCANN III!!!!!

Secondly, I am in a hurry and last night was wonderful filled with friends and rain and just awesomeness.

Day 40.

http://www.berkeleydailyplanet.com/issue/2011-04-13/article/37670?headline=Eclectic-Rant-Kagame-s-Rwanda-Myth-and-Reality

Today was interesting. I read an article on how the Rwandan genocide was essentially a myth. The word myth was actually used to describe it. I understand what the author was saying, but I still think the gist of the article is a load of trash. I did a lot of reading yesterday for one of my classes today, but the class was canceled so I am going to tell you about it instead. The reading was on the Rwandan genocide, what happened, why it happened, what the world's various responses were, who the key players were, what bystanders should have done instead, how the UN did and didn't act, and all that jazz. In all of this reading, there was a story of a few people that worked for the U.S. government that were in Rwanda. I think they worked at an embassy. The person whose dialogue I was reading were excited about getting all the Americans out of Rwanda when the violence broke out.  There mindset towards the thousands of Rwandans they were leaving behind to be slaughtered was, "I am only one person. I can't do anything to stop this." While reading it I could understand how that individual could feel that way, but as I read further I discovered the story of basically the UN general in charge of the UN troops in Rwanda. He was given no help, no support, and when he asked for 5,000 troops to stop the genocide, he was left in the end with only 250. However, 530 soldiers actually stayed behind, refusing to leave the people they were protecting from the perpetrators in a large hotel and a large stadium. And then I think of the hotel manager who allowed Tutsis to hide in the hotel, who called the U.S. government asking for help, asking them to tell the perpetrators not to kill them, and saved those people because of making a little noise and doing the most one person could do. It saved lives. After reading about all that, I really want to ask that person who left Rwanda saying I can't do anything about it how they feel being a bystander that allowed people to be slaughtered when they could have done something, saved one person. That american could have even been murdered and their death could have sparked a response from the international community. I think that person should watch "Schindler's List".

Day 39.

So today, my Spanish professor was telling us all that we need thick skin to learn a foreign language and that if we cannot appreciate and gratefully accept corrections, we will not master the language. His speech made me giggle because on Monday I, while trying to say what he wanted me to say, said the verb with an a sound instead of an e sound. This of course resulted in Dr. Chandler smiling, a kid in the class laughing (he was fluent in Spanish), and my learning that I just told everyone I fart instead whatever else it was I was trying to say. It was funny.

Day 38.

I have a dream that will begin in Springer Mountain, GA and will end in Katahdin, Maine after approximately 2,179 miles and will take anywhere between 5 and seven months. After researching that and sharing it here, I am a little intimidated. I still want to do it even if it is intimidating and even if I am caught in the romance of the idea of it like the website accused me of. I will admit I am underestimating how hard it will be, how grumpy I will be during parts of the hike, and how physically inept I am to hike such a trail as of right now. So the endurance training begins. Hmm, I wonder what kind of endurance training would I need to do in able to do that. I can train myself to run faster over the summer, but how does one train for a long hike while living at the beach? I shall be going into training this summer and saving money for this little project. Aha! I am going to make an adventure jar and put all my funds for this adventure in there....It takes like $5,000 to do this hike because of supplies, equipment and food and such. Step one, acquire the Appalachian Trail Thru-Hikers' Companion and further plan the trip. Step two, get in shape for this focusing on fitness itself and endurance.

• Start with short (1-3 mile) hikes a couple of times per week under not too challenging conditions without a backpack just water and maybe a snack.
• Steadily increase the length of the hikes until you are comfortable on a 9 mile hike.
• Now work on increasing the weight of your load by adding more gear, food and drinks until you can comfortably finish a 9 mile hike with a 30 lb. pack.
• You are now ready to go on all day hikes and you can train in more challenging terrains and greater vertical gains.
• Continue to increase distance and weight and size of your pack. You should eventually be able to carry up to a third of your body weight on your back.                                                                                          

Day 37.

What else could you need in life if you have a French press, a group of talkative, thoughtful friends, and room for everyone to sit? Okay, so humans may need a few other things, but for this hour I can't think of anything more lovely than the scene described above. If I was there, with that group of nameless friends, I would pose to them a question, a question on happiness to be less vague. For I can't help but wonder what exactly happiness is. Is it sipping a warm cup of coffee while watching the sunrise or dancing crazily in a thunderstorm while the sky is pouring rain? Could happiness be listening to wonderful music while driving to nowhere for hours or staring at some sort of industrial scene and being overcome with appreciation and awe for all man has been able to do? Is happiness surrounded in solitude, the masses, or small groups of friends? Is it just the release of endorphins or other chemicals in our brains? Is it universal? Or does happiness simply mean being content.....  If that is true, what does it mean to be content? Is contentment getting what we want? What if we don't know what we want? Or is contentment being satisfied with what we have?

I'm not sure if I know what happiness is or what it means to be happy. I feel happy when I experience joy and feel loved and cared for.

I had this conversation with someone who seemed to think that happiness is having a core value or something important to us at our core satisfied in some shape or form, which would be universal.

I just asked another person what happiness is and the individual said, "I don't know what happiness is...It is the opposite of sadness. It brings joy. It is rainbows and butterflies. It is beating up people who make you unhappy and angry. Happiness is blue."

Day 36.

You can borrow a pair of pajamas if you want.


What absolutely precious words that seem so simple but made my heart so happy. I missed my friends so much, well my friends that I hardly ever see anymore. I used to spend one or two nights at the Sigma house every week. Often, I just stayed here late and, even if I didn't sleep at the house, on those nights I stayed past pajama time Racheal would always offer to let me borrow a pair of her pajamas, any shirt or bottom I wanted. While that season I was at the house so often I was not always the happiest....I was dealing with a lot during that interesting season. But the friends that surrounded and supported me are so wonderful, and I adore them so much. Lately, I just have been so busy...so so busy and I love it, but I just miss my friends. Racheal is finally done with her play work and we finally are getting to hang out. We made plans to bake after chapter, but went to dinner and our now going to procrastinate our homework to watch a movie in mega-bed. It's just nice, really nice to hear those familiar words again after so long of not hearing them. Not that the words themselves mean anything in significant, they just remind me of feeling loved and cared about and, i don't know, other corny, wonderful things. 

Day 35: Remembering What Was Forgotten

Recently, I have been thinking alot about what my purpose is for doing the things I do. I've reading a book that discusses the topic and I have spent sometime talking to people like my mom about what purpose is, about hers and what she thinks my purpose should be. I of course politely disagreed with her view of my purpose, and told her that I'm not sure what my purpose is. I suppose lately I have just been doing things without much of a reason for doing them. Though I remembered having a purpose, a reason, behind all the business, I could not for the life of me remember what it was. Then, this Saturday morning, on the day I normally try to celebrate a sabbath, I decided to lug my laptop, bible, small group book, and energy drink up to the second floor common room of traer and have a nice little quiet time. I ended up creating a new Pandora station that just has worship music on it. Best Idea Ever. Anyways, one of my favorite songs came on and reminded me, helped me to remember, why I, the crazy person, do the things I do. "My purpose remains/ The art of losing myself in bringing you praise." That may seem silly...that I make the purpose in everything I do to praise God, a God not everyone believes in no less. I am kind to people, I try to make good grades, I work hard, I will and won't do certain things all to glorify God. I'm always so interested in what makes people tick, what is the most intimate reason they have, though they may never share it, for doing the things they do. Well, even though I dislike vulnerability I just shared mine.

Day 34.

So I wrote a really long, thoughtful, and questioning blog earlier today in my head while I was running an errand for a very busy Becca Waltrip, and I would totally write it down except it is kinda late...well early. All that to say I am quite tired and I suppose you could accuse me of not posting a blog before the day ended....I haven't gone to sleep yet. I'll tell you tomorrow what I wanted to share today. Dang, I just remembered I forgot to see Julian, Andrew, and Chelsea tonight. Oops, that kinda stinks. Well, night.

Day 33.

Today, in my Rhetoric of Human Rights class we had a guest speaker that I was honestly dreading. Out of the many stupid guest speakers I heard throughout high school, I am still not used to the idea that would be different here. So when I observed the stranger standing by the computer that would control the power point I readied myself to be bored out of my mind by an awkward presentation for the next hour or so. When the speaker started to speak, I felt my suspicion of awkward boredness was concerned due to an intonation of words that I am frankly not to familiar and necessarily fond of. That didn't last long. After five minutes of listening to this woman, I was captivated by her energy, passion, and her unfamiliar voice. She spoke knowledgeably and passionately about human rights and the legal definitions of crucial words involved in the powerful rhetoric of human rights. She shared her story of travelling the world and working in the medical field in the U.S. and in parts of Africa like Rwanda, Sudan (I think), and many other places. Not only did I learn something, but I wan't in the least bit bored. While our speaker was very entertaining, it was her passion and the fact that she obviously knew what she was talking about that made her so pleasing to listen to and learn from. The whole thing was so pleasant. I was telling Thomas this evening that after listening to her I just wanted to drop out of high school to work with human rights issues in the inner city ghettos of an american city, or help in a refugee camp in Rwanda, or revise U.S. refugee/immigrant law. Do anything to help people experiencing human rights violations and to readjust the mindsets of those who refuse to help refugees. Did you know that the U.S. did not accept refugees from Iraq until 2008. I think the U.S. played a large part f the displacement of those people they then refused to help. Did you know that the U.S. has a clause in our laws that determine if we accept a refugee called the Material Support clause? You see, refugees seeking asylum in the U.S. have to go through an interview process with U.S. officials and if during that interview the following scenario or one similar comes up, asylum is refused. scenario: terrorists burst into a house and say, "you have two options. one, we rape you and your daughters. or two, you let us eat your food, stay in your house, and take anything of yours that we want." If you choose option number two, you are giving material help to a terrorist organization and are both denied the definition, in the eyes of the U.S., of refugee and are denied asylum here. Lovely, right? I wrote profanity next to this in my notes for the class: fucking US clause. Ya, that's right; I don't use punctuation in my notes.

Day 32.

Wanna know a secret? I actually didn't write a blog yesterday. I wrote two on the same day and waited until just after midnight to post the second one so that I wouldn't have to write yesterday. Little did I know that I would actually want to write yesterday. What I wanted to write about I actually talked about instead, but without much detail or depth. You see, I have come to the realization that I live inside my head. It is a dark place that only has enough room for one person. So many thoughts pop into my head grabbing for attention, but are not important or significant enough to grab anyone else's. Part of the problem could be that I am fascinated by simple observations and thoughts that seem so wondrous and  large in the dark world of my mind, but those same thoughts are small and ordinary when they make their suicidal jump off my lips and into the nearest ear. I suppose the possibility that I only share parts of the awe-full thoughts in my head and that listeners don't share their thoughts on my thought back is still a possibility. Anything is a possibility really. This could be why I like Dr. Who so much. The Doctor and his companion, whoever it is at the time, live in a world that no one else on earth lives in or is possibly capable of living in. They experience places, villains, heroes, and ideas that no one on Earth has, and then they go back to Earth for a visit and have to try to fit back in, well at least the companions have to. No wonder Rose can't stay on Earth. No wonder Amy like the Doctor better than Rory. As isolated as their worlds are, as alone as they are in the worlds of time and space that they experience, they like it too much to ever give it up. I feel the same way about my own isolation, though I wouldn't say that it is much at all; however, I am going to try to open up a little bit more, to say more of what I am thinking. Will this be good or bad? Will it actually happen? Will I actually report back what happens honestly/ admit that I didn't open up if I for some reason choose not to? It is whatever it is.

Day 31.

So you may laugh and/or not understand. With all my faith (though I won't proclaim it is anymore than enough to hold on,) there has been one object with a few words on it that has helped me through so much. It may not seem much, but I have stared at it almost everyday since I received it. It remains to this day one of my most prized possessions and I am distressed by the idea of it one day not fitting into the decorating scheme of wherever I live. I think I will find a place for it everywhere I live so I can stare at it daily and remember the true, wise words of someone I love very much.

Day 30.

I want to dance. I want to run out of my dorm room where I am currently typing this blog, run straight up the stairs that lead to the quad and spin around and around in the sunshine. I want to absorb all the sound and sunshine and let it overtake me in dance. I want a huge stereo to blast music as loud as possible without my ears hurting. I want to be taken in by the sound, lose consciousness of the world, and only feel the beat of a song overcoming the beat of my heart until the song is the sound of me heart. I want to dance my silly chicken dance that makes Lindsey snort with laughter every time she sees the ridiculousness that is the chicken dance. I want to learn the waltz and tango. Although I adore dancing very much, I am glad a gave up on my little girl self's dream of becoming a ballerina. I must admit I have neither the dedication nor talent to be a successful or even graceful dancer. Though, I still love dancing. I wonder what today would be like if I didn't do anything but dance all day....

Day 29.

In twenty years, I wonder how I will view my life at 19. Specifically, will I appreciate that I kept myself so busy trying to juggle everything, will I be disappointed I didn't rest more, or will I simply not remember what I did? This morning I was fortunate enough to eat an English muffin covered in peanut butter with sliced bananas--the product of Aaron's and my walk to Kroger yesterday. While I was sitting in the dark on my floor staring at the sunshine on the other side of my small window, I took a bite of buttery muffin and wondered if I would remember this moment. That little moment was similar to the majority of moments that I think make up life for there was nothing incredibly spectacular about it. It was a quiet, content, maybe happy, moment of time without a grand though or idea to justify recalling it in a years time. However, I enjoyed that moment regardless if it was memorable or special because it was a part of my life. It is easy no neglect appreciating those moments. I don't want to be on my death bed one wondering where my life went and why didn't I appreciate it more only to realise it consisted of moments similar to this morning and I had rushed through them yearning for whatever was next without appreciation. Well I guess I'm not yet 39, and for now I like being busy, it gives me something to do. I have a list of things I need to accomplish today and for the rest of this week. Today I have to: do laundry, write a paper proposal for my RHR class, prepare for my meeting about my presentation for the Liberal Arts Symposium, read for Core, read for Austen class, and complete my Spanish homework. See, I have already crossed three off the list. According to the calender in my phone, this week I have to: go to all of my classes, go to Greek week practice, participate in Honor Council interviews (hopefully I'll be elected!), participate in a panel for admitted students week, meet twice with Dr. Rosenthal (once for my RHR proposal and once for Symposium presentation.), go to church, another Greek week practice, attend panhellenic meeting, run to my small group, enjoy Stomp the Lawn 2011, and attend Sigma Sigma Sigma Epsilon Theta's formal 2011. wow, I kinda wish I hadn't written all of that out. You should just see that following weekend, week, and the next weekend. The loveliness of it all is that inbetween typing these sentences I have been looking at my calender and just realized that I messed up dates and over planned and sigh. Oh, well. I'm busy, can't you see? Oh, the life of a college student is for me. I am just going to have to remember to appreciate every moment as it flies by before I lose it for good.

Day 28.

The sabbath. It sounds like something strange and peculiar that only exists among the Amish or in the Old Testament. I decided not too long ago that I was going to try to keep the sabbath in a way that any non-Seventh Day Adventist, college kid would--by not working from sundown Friday night to Sunday morning. Makes perfect sense, right? No, I'm not trying to give myself an excuse for not doing school work on the weekends. I will actually be waking up very early tomorrow morning on a Sunday to read, do, and plan school work for the upcoming week/ two weeks/ month. It is so much work. I'm actually afraid that I might not be able to get all my work done with routinely taking Saturday as a sabbath. Then why do it, you ask? My small group is reading a book, forgive me for not remembering the title, about the sabbath that is terribly inspiring. I have learned a lot from the book about what the sabbath, according to the bible, actually is and why it is important. The book also talks about something called a sabbath heart, something that is more important than setting a day or even a couple hours a week aside to call a sabbath. The sabbath heart, I do recall, is concerned with sanctifying time, devoting it to God, loving people, embracing interruptions, not telling time, and with counting days. Well, at least that is what I have learned so far. I have only read to two pages into chapter five....I think there are about twelve chapters so I have a lot more to learn. I read the first two pages of chapter five today and really enjoyed them. (ya, laugh all you want about it only being two pages.) The author talks about drivenness and purposefulness, and how both are quite lovely. However, he says, and I agree, that if we become too driven we will forget what our purpose for what we are doing is. What that has to do with the sabbath, I will explain in a moment. I have felt so driven lately, but have managed to lose track of my purpose for doing the many things I do. Now I get to re-examine the why of my life--fun stuff. Back to sabbath, right. Well the book suggests that the sabbath is a good thing, good for you, and I agree with it. It is a restful blessing, and used properly it can be a refilling of the best sorts. The book acknowledges that we live busy lives and that blocking off any amount of time away from work is difficult so it discusses issues of time management in a biblical way, which means discussing time management in the realm of a sabbath heart. Which is where the chapter I am reading now comes with being purposeful and hospitable to interruptions without being to driven that you lose all purpose for what you are doing and become closed to the many interruptions that seem to have a larger hand in shaping our lives than anything else.

Day 27.

I want to play this song on the piano:

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1brMSS/www.youtube.com/watch%253Fv%253DUz2Gp7a38DM

This is my new favorite project. / This is some new thing I am going to try to start doing everyday:

http://oneword.com/