Day 13.

I am currently overcome with disappointment in myself at what is apparently my inability to learn a seemingly simple lesson. Maybe it comes with age, or maybe wisdom....well, maybe a lot of disappointment--that comes with both age and wisdom, right? I am forever yearning for something different or something more of what I already have. I can manage contentment, but happiness slips like water through my grasping fingers. I never realize how happy I was and how much I enjoyed what I have until it leaves and drives right out of the driveway, right on to the interstate to go far, far away, from where I am. I'm never home often, and even when I am home I am sometimes bothered that I am never alone. Sometimes all I want is to be alone and for everything to just be quiet for once! Here I am, now, and it is perfectly quiet, so quiet that I left the door open so that the silence would not drive me bonkers, and I am perfectly alone. Now, I can't help but to miss the sound of familiar voices coming through the wall that make me dream of flipping out on people. I can't help but to miss the familiar face I know is always there for me. I need to appreciate them more when I have them. I need to appreciate what I have, while I have it instead of imagining there is something better. I am starting to think that I have what is better, and the other stuff I imagine are simply shallow ideas that when brought to life are less and worse than what I really do have.